I'm starting to think that God puts men in my life for the sole purpose of teaching me things. What better way to get my attention than through a man? Seriously! Sometimes that's all I can see...and He knows that. So, when He wants me to learn something or wants to reveal something to me...He'll throw a man in the mix. Although a very effective tactic, it usually ends badly on my behalf. Instead of me realizing that this man was placed here for a temporary purpose (a simple lesson) I get all swept up in emotion and throw my whole heart at him and expect him to catch it with both hands. Rarely is he as excited about catching it as I am about tossing it, so naturally the poor thing hits the floor...and shatters (Note: my heart is currently being held together with a complicated mix of super glue, J-B Weld, zip-ties and pure heavenly hope.) Then I'm left feeling completely foolish, slightly neurotic and terribly sad.
But I do learn some incredibly valuable lessons this way. Through my relationships with men, I've learned amazing things about myself...things I could not have learned in any other way. But I'm seriously thinking God needs to find a new way to communicate with me. He's running out of men!! Not only is He running out of men but I'm running out of confidence that I can actually sustain a normal, functional, intimate relationship.
I'm at the point where I don't think there is a man in the world I'm compatible with. Honestly! And I'm nearing the point where I just don't give a shit if I spend the rest of my life alone!
The End :)
